There have been some thoughts furiously floating around in my head..
Am I resisting a push towards Sanctification, or a Strict Structure?
- If I notice strictness in my church, should I just let go and trust the direction things are going? or trust that there are good reasons behind the way things are going?
- If I notice strictness in my church, should I ultimately question whether or not following this strictness is somehow God’s will?
- Am I ultimately being obedient to Christ or to a leader/system?
… I guess that even the most well intentioned church structure, can hinder a Christian’s faith. The foundation of our lives is our obedience to Christ, and sometimes that comes in conflict with the direction that others proscribe.
- If I notice that leaders and systems claim to have certain things “worked-out,”should I still be in a questioning mindset? What if I come to a different conclusion? Am I being a rebel if differ? And who am I being a rebel to?
- If I notice that leaders and systems can pin-point the best “practices and disciplines” to their mental capability should I willfully submit, when my heart is elsewhere?
God looks at our heart, and man looks at the outward appearance. Better a ineloquent prayer or song, or an unscheduled prayer life with my sincerity, then a rigid, scheduled prayer out of heartless duty.
And I ask myself, again, what if these practices are good? And what if someday, my life will have more “discipline,” and I will have a scheduled prayer time – that is never missed, and a scheduled bible time, but cannot do so in the mean time? Am I being rebellious? or real?
Is it satisfactory to pray regularly but not a certain time of the day?
- If I notice that everyone in my church prays for 50-80+ people each, out-loud, on a rotating and scheduled prayer list and I cannot do it sincerely — Who am I displeasing? my church family? Myself? God?
- Is it fine to pray for a fraction of that list so that I can pray thoughtfully?
- Is it fine to pray for people not on that list?
It is tricky, because prayer in itself is good, and regular prayer is even better, plus praying for many people is great –but my heart’ just ain’t in it when its done that way! God is not angry with me. This is the right kind of rebellion. Rebelling out of the humble realization that I cannot complete this task with the right motives. And even when I pray for an enablement to pray for so many people, my spirit stirs and spurs up red flags, and stop-signs.
- If I notice that there is disdain for certain versions of the bible, but I find them easier to read, and therefore more edifying, should I be edified or ignorant and conformed?
…I just don’t believe in putting a stumbling block in place of understanding the Bible. I don’t care if a king commissioned a certain bible, if I cannot understand it, if it uses outdated words, and awkward sentence structures, to whose benefit is it?
When I ask myself these questions, does it reveal who or what has too much power and influence over me? And how did it come to this? Am I going with an unspoken current of submission to man?
Let me fix my gaze back upon the Lord and His Word, so that I aim to please Him and no other!
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below.